Hey everybody, welcome to the fourth and final week of March’s Man Meat Mondays where we horribly objectify men for our pleasure. If you need to catch up, check out the early posts: Week One, Week Two, and Week Three.
Long Haired Guy
Randi: Johnny Depp (circa Secret Window)
I love, love, love me a guy with long hair. Which might be why I love hair metal so damn much. I mean, Bret Michaels, Jon Bon Jovi, Axl Rose. The decade was ripe for the picking.
However… for this one, we only need to get in our time machine and dial it to 2004 for… drumroll please… ratty bathrobe, disheveled hair, psychotic writer Johnny Depp from Secret Window.
Look, I know what you’re thinking. What the hell is wrong with me? My best friend and I have spent many years analyzing the various states of Johnny Depp, and we both agree that this was the best. Followed closely by River Rat Depp from Chocolat in 2000. But for some reason, we’re more drawn to the bleached locks, ratty bath robe Johnny with the glasses. Mort.
I know I’m in a clear minority here, and that’s okay with me. But… he’s just so… hot. For good measure, since it’s my blog and I can, I’m going to give you runner-up Johnny too.
Gen: Jason Momoa
[Randi’s note: We do our picks separately, but I totally predicted this one. She has given me zero indication that she was even into Jason Momoa, but damned if my spidey senses didn’t tingle on this one.]
I fell in love with him in Game of Thrones and now he’s playing Aquaman! I generally don’t dig guys with long hair but his smile, coupled with the little scar over his eye makes me want to fist his hair and make him say my name.
Child Actor All Grown Up
Gen: Zac Efron
I just can’t. Hang on one second while I wipe the drool off my face.
There. Much better.
I thought he was so adorable in High School Musical, which I watched with my daughter by the way, but now!? He’s certainly grown into his muscles.
Randi: Mark-Paul Gosselaar
This one was a no brainer for me. Every girl who grew up in the nineties I’m sure is with me (and if she’s not, she’s wrong).
I have three words for you.
Mark. Paul. Gosselaar.
I was a Zack Morris girl from word one. I loved him as a blond kid (it was a dye job but still) but damn. Then he grew up and moved on from middle/high school class clown to class clown lawyer in Franklin & Bash. (The show was amazing and cancelled unjustly as far as I’m concerned… I mean, we got Mark-Paul topless in most episodes. Why cancel that?)
I mean, his face is more chiseled now. And he’s got some gorgeous abs. He’s just beautiful. I’m going to sit hypnotized by this gif for a while. You can talk amongst yourselves.
Silver Fox (Guy over 50)
Randi: Jon Bon Jovi
There are actually a lot of guys that I could pick here, because, I mean, there are some damn fine older men out there, but I am a Jon Bon Jovi girl. The man has aged incredibly well. I can assure you—having spent two and a half hours with my eyes glued to his rear end just a week ago, that ass is in tip-top shape for having been around for fifty-five years.
He can’t dance, but the man sure as hell can move. And write a damn good song. And then sing it. ALL things that endear him to me. (I do love me some musicians.)
His hair is practically white now, and he’s not rocking the baby face, but he’s still damn fine to look at and even better to listen to (voice problems and all).
Lest you think I’m crazy, since we’ve already got the time machine warmed up, let’s go ahead and take a trip back to 1988. If you can’t see what I see in him watching this video… well… more for me. (In my dreams. That man is devoted to his wife of 27 years–God love him for that too.)
Gen: Liam Neeson
His accent. Crocked smile. I don’t care how old he is. I wouldn’t kick him out of bed for eating crackers. Granted he’s old enough to be my father but age ain’t nothing but a number when it comes to this Silver Fox.
I will find him and I will lick his face.
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*Disclaimer: I in no way own, or claim to own, the copyright to these photos. Found them on a Google Images search.